Life After her Series

Hello Guys, I am pretty new at this but this past few weeks have been very terrible and as a way of healing I have been encouraged to write out my feelings so here goes. These past couple of weeks have made me realize emotional pain will always be greater than physical pain. Physical pain can subjected to treatment for relieve while only time heals emotional pain. Am at a point in my life where I despise love and never want to get married.Today is my ex's birthday, the only girl i managed to fall in love with after dodging love for so long broke my heart. This past few weeks I have been trying so hard to forget about her and have been successful to a little degree of but seeing those bbm updates and dp's today set me back emotionally. As of this moment I write with a bleeding heart, my ink is coated in blood and a bottle of vodka besides me(Vodka helps me with the thinking). I admit I made some mistakes in the relationship(am mostly a fling person so this was kind of my first serious relationship ) but I made sure my I kept my girl happy at all times. I showered my girl with attention, care , gifts, I was always there for her , most times I became her emotional punching bag and trust me her rage wasn't child's play. I got hurled insults most times; some days a simple 'how was you day' could unleash a bucket load of insults towards me and after everything she might not apologize and on rare days that she does apologize it's never more than one word 'sorry' or two words if am lucky 'am sorry'. Despite all this incidents I still loved her for her imperfections and stood by her in all things(and before I forget she almost tried to kill me)  I guess it's true what they say 'Once a girl knows you love her more than she does she will take your feelings for granted' . To be vey honest when I was growing up I always thought I might never get married due to my trust and commitment issues till I met this girl and my life changed totally. She was my muse, she had this effect on me I didn't understand, I could put her image in my head at the gym and keep on working out like an animal, I could have a bad day but when she sends me a text no matter how mad I was I smile. She made me so happy and I thought maybe God put her in my life to get me married after all but in the end I got dumped. The painful part about this break up is the fact I put so much effort into us working out. I went out of my comfort zone just for us to be together and it's still didn't work out. At an earlier point in our relationship she entered into her bad mood funk and called off the relationship so I resorted to begging her to reverse her decision so I had this sad and about to cry face. I didn't cry but if I had to do it to get her back in that moment I would have because I sincerely wanted her back in my life but she took it as weakness. Even though we got back together after that day she said it was a point that changed our whole relationship as she started seeing me as being weak. To cut the long story short I eventually lost the girl on the basis of being weak due to that event . I never felt so devastated in my life, when I got the bbm text my heart started pacing and hurting at the same time. God knows I begged and I just kept on begging to get her back all to no avail . As I begged she got more hostile and kept on treating me like I never mattered in the first and I just got more depressed with each passing day. The worst thing was that it happened during my exams which made it extremely difficult for me to read. I could not pick my books and read 4 lines without my mind drifting to her. Life after her has been terrible if I could sell my kidney to get her back I would right now but I guess things never go as we plan. I'll have to stop here for now I'll be writing about my experiences and my thoughts every week till I eventually get over this girl. I sincerely hope that happens soon

Anoymous xxx